Confessions of an Angry Parent: there are some days I ‘hate’ my child. Yes, that’s correct. I am actually using the word ‘hate’ in connection with my child, whom I must actually love more deeply than I thought possible. Perhaps this is what unconditional love really means. When you can ‘hate’ them so much in that moment, but actually know you love them with your entire being at the same time.
Life in the Simpson household has been anything but easy lately. Goose has been rather … let’s just say, trying … at the moment. Please, will someone just tell me that the screaming WILL stop?? It has to at some stage, right? When I look back at the day, while staring longingly at hubby’s glass of vino (darn this pregnancy), I have to laugh, because if I didn’t I might start crying and never stop.
It is like living with Jeckle and Hyde. SERIOUSLY! Goose will scream about EVERYTHING! He will do this crazy high pitched scream, because a block fell over, or he asks to watch T.V. and you ACTUALLY SAY YES – ok, time to scream. WTF!? – or he gets to choose the toothpaste for tonight (yes he has 3 kinds) and then half way through brushing he screams because you are using the one he picked out. That’s right. Re-read that over again, just to solidify it in your brain. Goose is actually screaming because he asked for something and got EXACTLY what he asked for. If I wasn’t pregnant I’d be heading straight to the liquor store by the end of the day, can you say wine-o’clock?!!
So when I confess to ‘hating’ my child, I really mean that I hate the situation that is going on right now in direct connection with him. If an adult treated me the way Goose does, I would probably punch him, which is rather frowned upon in parenting.
Don’t get me wrong, I fully understand that 3 year olds have trouble controlling and expressing their emotions in a positive way. I get that at times he is tired, hungry, bored, seeking attention etc., but why does it seem that even when everything is going well, they can still do the switch on you without any warning?
Every phase brings new joys and challenges. For the most part, I think Goose is a wonderful boy. He is just so sensitive to everything. Every little change, even a positive one, can bring screaming, crying or both. At times I find myself worried to say anything for fear of another outburst. This is not great for parenting, as I am sure he picks up on the tension.
Perhaps my expectations are just too much for this age? All I really want is just to have things go smoothly; to have a day or evening without an outburst, to be able to ask something or change an activity without issue. I know those days will come, but I just wonder when. In the meantime I will try to treasure the wonderful moments and work on letting go of the not-so-wonderful ones. (Easier said than done).