A little self indulgent whine… and a large glass of red to boot.
It’s now February 1st, 2016, which means I am far behind in my writing. I have been spending far too much time in my own head, thinking, planning and worrying. Though, I find as the days pass the actual worry and concern is becoming more frequent and heightened, whereas the thinking and planning just run about in circles, not accomplishing much at all. I fully understand that this is a very vague statement to make as I haven’t actually written about this major shift in our goals and priorities.
Suffice to say, we have a lot of decisions, some of them rather final, to make before embarking on the Grand Adventure of 2017. Unfortunately, until we have solidified some of our ideas/plans I prefer to keep my silence, mainly due to my inability to come to grips with the whole idea as of yet. Making a dream into a reality can be a lot more frightening than initially thought, sometimes surprisingly so. Many times I find myself questioning our plans and for so many different reasons.
So I have been keeping rather silent as of late, perhaps also in the fear that writing about our plans makes them into a reality. The downside is that I have been almost working myself into a state of constant low-level anxiety, not the most enjoyable disposition for my family or myself. It doesn’t help that in an attempt to save ourselves approximately $3000-$5000 Canadian, I will shortly be heading back to Canada with only baby Pickle for 3 whole weeks! Perhaps this is a major source of my anxiety as I am rather distraught over leaving my son for that long.
Since he was born, 4+ years ago, we have never been apart… not even one night. We have always been together, as a family, even Pickle was born at home, in our bedroom with Goose only a few feet away. It is such a hard thing for me, but I am trying to remain positive so as not to worry him or make him feel anxious either. At the moment I think he is rather looking forward to spending time playing pirates with Daddy and having the attention all to himself. I am just trying to hold myself together to get things done in Canada and count down the days until we are all together again.
I have also been spending a lot of time online researching parenting methods, homeschooling ideas and travel plans, far too much time. It is amazing how a little bit of research can lead from excitement to worry to guilt. Again, too much time with everything running around in my head, trying to make the best choices for our family. It is high time to take action, stop the thinking process, and start the actually process of working towards our dreams. At the end of the day, worst case scenario, if it doesn’t work out at least we tried and we can always try something else. As long as we are together, we will make it, where ever ‘it’ is.
*Thanks for putting up with my personal ramblings. I promise to write about our plans in the near future.*