This post has NOTHING to do with travel or even with kids.. really.
I am currently dealing with medical issues..mainly mental, as I am freaking out reading too much Dr. Google. When my doctor took a look at my little friend – Mr. Mole – he did not have the most reassuring facial expression. Great – thanks Doc… now having it removed tomorrow – BIOPSY – then the waiting game begins again..TEST RESULTS.
Yes, suffice to say – I am somewhat FREAKING out right now. Especially after reading said Dr. Google. At first, I was relieved when I couldn’t find a single image online that looked anything like my mole. Seriously, NOT ONE!
BUT – could I rest at that… HA.. not likely. As anyone that knows me well will understand when I say I went into REASEARCH OVERDRIVE. Every evening I would scroll through the internet, researching melanoma, looking at countless pictures, reading articles and obssessing over survial stories.
And, unfortunatly, I stumbled upon nodular melanoma– one of the most aggressive forms of skin cancer, and one that goes undetected so many times because it does not FIT into what we are taught to look for. As opposed to spreading outwards, it burrows downward – not good as that is how melanoma spreads – burrowing into the deeper layers of the skin, bloodstream and lymphnodes. Darn you Dr. GOOGLE.
My little friend, started out as a small, pale pink mole on my inner left thigh.
I noticed it sometime in 2009, but didn’t think too much about it as it wasn’t dark and was just a slightly raised little pink bump. Nothing at all like the irregular shape and colour of the typical cancer signs we are taught to check for.
I did actually show it to my doctor at the time, but was told it wasn’t anything to be concerned about. So, I didn’t worry about it much. Over the next year, it did grow a bit and tended to shed it’s outer layer from time to time – like a peeling sunburn. It itched sometimes, but generally wasn’t a cause for concern – just like the doctor told me.
In 2011, I became pregnant with my son – while living in Spain. Yes the land of sunshine, tans and sunburns. During my pregnancy I noticed the mole changed colour rapidly from pale pink to light brown – with spots of white inside it. Still, while I did take notice and think – perhaps I should have someone look at this – I wasn’t overly concerned. It still didn’t look like any pictures I had seen of moles to look out for. It was still just a raised bump – somewhat larger than before, but not huge – it was uniform in shape, not an irregular blot.
Fastforward to 2015, and pregnant with my second child, my daughter, while in Canada. I took more notice of the mole this time as it changed so quickly when pregnant the first time. This time, it didn’t change colour,but it has grown a bit more and become progressivly more itchy. Yet, I still didn’t have it checked out. (Seriously, what is WRONG with me?!) Sure, I was dealing with the death of my mother in May, birth of my second child in July, minimizing and storing our belongings and moving back to Spain in September! The mole took a backseat in my mind as something to deal with ‘later’.
Now, back in Canada – near the end of 2016 and finally dealing with it. I know it’s been far far too long and it crept into my mind from time to time, but was quickly dismissed. I mean my doctor, at the time, TOLD me it was nothing to worry about! Surely, he would KNOW?! But, after reading so many articles.. as well as my personal family history (my Uncle passed away from melanoma after doctors first dismissed his mole) – I just KNOW I should has taken care of this sooner..much, much sooner. The fear is sometimes overwhelming, BUT as my husband says, it’s probably nothing..at at least was shouldn’t always think on the negative. Easier said than done, but as I don’t have any answers, perhaps I should just take things one step at a time. So, biopsy tomorrow..then, we wait…
As for the lump..yes, I have ANOTHER issue….a lump in the palm of my right hand and a numb thumb. After looking this up, yet again on-line (Yah, Dr. Google), I am not as concered as this lump, most likely, is not connected with the dreaded C word. BUT – it could still mean some surgery and a long healing process. Hopefully, nothing to worry about, but just another thing to add onto my list of medical concerns.. le sigh…